I am going to be sharing this across all of my sites and social media, so except for the plans I have for each site this will just be a copy and paste job…
I am not sure if people are interested in learning about me and where I have been, but I am going to summarize and explain the best I can.
Before around 2016 it was very easy to work consistently in sharing my research, make videos, stay active in the community. My mental state was not at a strong point but I think I would have been able to continue making daily content and stay active as I had been if so many things had not begun to unravel at once…
One being a relationship going bad; the more important being my dad, we learned, was terminally ill. There is a lot more to things then that but that is all I am willing to share at this time.
As time went on and he grew worse, it became harder and harder to deal with things. When he passed away in front of me, I think it triggered something in me -I was out of control. I still have not really accepted that he is gone.
Then my mom began to decline. My mom and I are best friends. I was her caregiver, and it was extremely hard to watch her decline daily, but she was really healthy, overall. Still seeing her growing older and the dementia and etc was very hard to see… I tried my best… But everything on was weighing on me and after a day of caring for her it became impossible emotionally for me to do what I have done most of my life; fight injustice. She even asked me why I wasn’t still doing it not long ago… I still have been doing it, but not posting…
Anyhow. When she got covid she was in this hospital. From the covid she developed pneumonia and suddenly took a horrible turn for the worse overnight, and in my arms she left this world a few months ago.
Now I live as a broken shell; and while I some days hate that I am alive, I have to remember all that both of my parents sacrificed since I was born, as they took me in, to their last days.
They both believed in me in a way no one else has or ever will… they both sacrificed so much for me in hopes I would keep fighting and fulfill what it is I am here to do… so I am not going to give up, in fact I am writing this in part as a declaration that if anything I am going to use my passion to fight injustices again, with new found strength. I am in a horrible state of grief. But instead of letting it continue to disable me, I am going to use it to fight for what I have fought for and more, I am going to let it fuel the flames within and to make things happen.
And so that is where I have been, and why I have been so inconsistent and random. That is changing now. Thank you to all who have stood by me during this, I apologize for my isolation and lack of replies, please do not take this personally… Right now I am just focused on surviving and making sure I get back on the path I am meant to be on. I will get to a place where I can communicate one on one, but for now I ask you guys to please just accept me where I am, and know that I am truly grateful to you all, and I will grow.